My birthday is coming up this Saturday. I tend to get a little sad around my birthday (which is a super common thing, read up on that here. I am not sad about aging. I don't feel sad about my lack of accomplishments- I am quite proud of my accomplishments and where I am in life.
For me I think it is more the social pressure. I've had Facebook since I was about 18 years old, so it's been a "thing" to wish someone a happy birthday online for a solid 17 years. It's always nice when someone wishes you a happy birthday but I've often found those wishes are from people I barely know, who were just prompted from Facebook to wish me a happy birthday. It's also that I often see posts from friends I follow on social media celebrating their birthdays loud and proud with parties, dinners, brunches, weekend getaways. They make it look so FUN. I don't usually have that kind of birthday, so I feel a little "less than". Every year when someone asks me what I am doing for my birthday, I usually shrug and say "nothing". Am I supposed to be doing something big?
As I spend some time reflecting on what I would want my birthday to look like, it's NOT a party or a weekend getaway. It's not an expensive dinner. It's spending time with my son and my husband. It's treating myself to something special. It's seeing or hearing from those authentic friendships. So when I inevitably get asked if I am doing anything special for my birthday, here is the answer
On Friday I am going for a walk with one of my dearest friends and buying myself a treat from the gluten free bakery. On Saturday, I am going to workout because I believe moving my body is a celebration of what I can do. Then we are going to the petting farm and the pool and maybe getting sushi takeout. On Sunday, Zack and I will go to church.
And that's it. That's enough. I don't need or want gifts. I just want time with my son and my husband.
I also like to take some time reflecting on where I have been, where I am, and where I want to go. I found an old blog post I wrote on my 23rd birthday about where I thought I'd be when I was 33. I'm turning 36 this year but I thought it would be fun to look at what I thought my life would look like:
I will be a mature, confident, compassionate, caring woman. Check.
I am hoping that I will be in love with a man who is patient, understanding, kind, funny, and my best friend and soul mate. Check.
I'm not sure where I will be working, my hope is that the job I have now will lead me to an organization such as Make A Wish, or something where I can help others come true. Check, and this one actually gave me chills. At the time I was not working for ACS.
I will have my first published book. No check. Maybe someday.
I'll have new favorite artists and bands. Check ish? I have a handful of artists I have come to love since I was 23 but Taylor and Kelly are still my number 1's.
I'll still adore my family, because that is one connection I cannot and will not ever lose. Check.
I'd love to have nieces and nephews, perhaps a child of my own. Check, check, check.
I can see myself living in Detroit still, but if life leads me to Nashville, I'd be happy with that as well. Check. Tennessee needs to get itself together before I would consider moving there.
I also wrote: It's so hard to pin point. I cannot predict the future. I can only hope that I stay true to my heart, trust in God, and go where life takes me...all while working hard and being kind, open, and honest with others. I'm happy, and I just pray that I don't lose that, I don't lose sight of what is important. 10 years from now, I still want to be me...just with more life experience and growth.
I think that 23 year old me would be very happy to know that I am still me- just slightly more sarcastic and much more confident. I am happy, and I have not lost sight of what is important. She may be shocked to know I lost 135 lbs, gained some back. She also wouldn't know that I would lose my dad. Let's not burden her with that, though. Let's let her make those special memories.
So let's make some predictions for future me. Let's say 40 year old me.
I will be celebrating being more financially free.
I will be a confident, loving mother to a 5 year old boy. I will know that it's okay that not every day is picture perfect and I will give myself grace.
I will be living in a different home.
I will no longer be self sabotaging, or riddled with self doubt.
I will be a leader in the organization.
I will have taken more risks.
I will still be a Swiftie.
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