On Sunday, I got news that my friend's dad passed away. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, it reminded me of my own grief and loss of my dad...but it also broke my heart for my friend. I wanted so badly to protect her from the pain that I had felt. This friend is a few years younger than me and I just wanted to stop time, reverse it, and give her a do over. I didn't want her to feel pain.
Last night I wrote her a message, and I decided to share it publicly here today. Just incase this will reach someone else dealing with loss.
Dear Carrie;
I won’t say “I know exactly how you feel” because I don’t. While we’ve both lost our dads, our grief will be different. And I know there’s nothing I can say that will take your pain away. But; I want you to know that you are not alone. It may feel like it, at times. For me, one of the hardest things to deal with was that everyone got to go in with life while I was stuck in a fog of grief. It didn’t feel fair and it felt lonely. So, please know that at any given moment, if you need someone to sit with you through the pain, I’m here. If you want to tell me about your dad, if you want to scream about how angry you are that he is gone too soon. If you want to cry. If you want to change the subject and talk about something else. I am here.
No one can quite prepare you for the loss of a parent. Nor can you predict what will unfold in the months to come. But know that no matter what you face, or feel, it’s okay. There are no rules for how you should be feeling or how long you should be feeling it. With every anniversary, milestone, or just a random Tuesday, you’ll feel things, big and small. And it’s okay.
If you’re like me, you may grieve the lost of what your dad is going to miss out on. But keep living life. Keep shining bright. Keep making memories. You are a beautiful, special person and have so much to give this world. I’m not sure of many things, but I am certain you’ll make your dad proud.
Love you, Carrie, and I’m here for you, and I mean that sincerely.
To anyone grieving today, whether your loss was recent or years ago, I'm with you.
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