My husband, Tom, has worked retail for as long as I have known him. I've been used to giving up date nights when he had to close the store or that we had to be late to holiday gatherings for the 9 years I have known him. I've learned a lot over those years.
There's two things that I, as his wife, have had to deal with. One is the stigma associated with retail workers. Do you remember when actor Geoffery Owens was seen working at Trader Joes and the internet ripped him to shreds? Yeah. So there's that. I've actually had comments made to me, asking if Tom will ever get a "real job'. I once found myself in the middle of a work conversation where a colleague called someone a loser because he was the manager of a restaurant. I remember how much that hurt me- like being punched in the stomach. I wish I had been brave enough to say something, but at the time, I wasn't.
Over time, this became less of an "issue" for me. I think something sort of magical happens when you hit your 30's where you start to care a lot less about what other people think. I know my husband and how hard he works, and I love him no matter what he does for a day job, so I didn't care so much if other people didn't find his retail work to be glamorous.
But the second challenge is one that has taken a lot more patience. It's the hours he works. Tom's held a couple different retail jobs, all with different schedules and demands that have presented unique challenges. One of the toughest was when he worked at Five Below, as the manager he had to be there in the midnight hours when the truck unloaded new stock or if the alarm company called him to tell him it had gone off. I didn't like that so much, him rushing off in the dark to be at the store.
Most recently, Tom has held a job as a manager at a grocery store. He's been there for two and a half years, although his last day was yesterday. Now that it's moving to be something in our past, I feel ready to write about it. It was hard. There were really long hours, pain in the ass customers, and very little time together on weekends. Seriously, if i think back... there were maybe a total of a handful of Saturday's he had off? And yeah..that was hard. We've never gotten to do any home projects, because I was alone most of the time, and I certainly did not want to do them alone. Even things as small as organizing our attic or our hall closet. I'd open the door, get overwhelmed, close it. And I desperately wanted to work on our lawn this past summer. We really need an upgrade. But again, after exactly one day of weeding the garden, I got sick of doing it by myself and gave up. I'll be honest, I've often been jealous when I see my friends who are married out doing stuff together, like having brunch or going to Home Depot on a Saturday. Those may seem small to you, but for me, it's something I've wanted for a long time.
Even before Covid, we very rarely had date nights. If we did, we usually stayed home, because Tom's job was tiring and we wanted to cherish just having a night at home together. But that meant we didn't get out much and we weren't very social. I'd go alone to get togethers a lot, while Tom worked. We haven't made friends with any other couples because we never went out. Never really had time to call up some friends and suggest a date night. I've made it a priority that once more of the folks in our age group are vaccinated, we're going to do this. We're both homebodies and Tom is more shy than I am, but if I've learned anything during the pandemic it's how important it is to have community and strong bonds.
What's funny is that I almost don't know what to do now that he'll be home more. His new job is still in retail but it allows for more weekends off, and since it's literally walking distance to the house, he will be home within minutes of closing the store for the night. I am so used to being alone that it will almost feel like he's a guest in the house. I know me, and my natural instinct is to want to serve others and make them comfortable. I have to remind myself that I don't have to make every day he's home some grand adventure. We can just...be. I've warned him that it might take me some getting used to. I might feel anxious being out of the routine I've built for myself for two years.
This is something that's very unique to me. I don't have any other friends who have partners in this situation. I certainly have friends who are single and I know they struggle with loneliness. But it's always hard when you feel like there aren't people out there who can really understand you. My friends can sympathize, but it doesn't take away the aching pain of being alone for days on end and just wanting to see your husband for more than 5 minutes. I've spent many nights crying. I used to have a few drinks on the nights Tom wasn't home, mostly as something to do. But that just made me more anxious and upset and didn't really solve the problem at hand.
Let me be clear: none of this has ever once changed the love I have for Tom. He is my best friend in the entire world, and the most kind hearted and compassionate person that I know. I am endlessly proud of him and love him with all of my being. Which is why I am thrilled that beginning today, we will slowly start to have more time together. We've missed out on a lot. But there's so much more to come. And I can't wait to start writing that part of our story.
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