I'm going to share with you one of the things I believe makes parenting so hard. There are a million things, by the way. There is a cliche saying that parenting is the hardest but best job in the world, and I could not agree more with that statement.
For me, though, a theme that I see is this:
I never know if I'm doing it right.
If you're doing well in school, you know it by your grades. If you're doing well at your job, you know it by feedback from your manager and your yearly reviews.
Parenting? You never really know. At least, not in this phase where I am. My three-year-old can't say to me "wow Mom, you are really doing great at being a mom".
And I constantly feel like I am failing. At this moment, we are struggling with bedtime issues where Zack does not fall asleep until 10 pm most nights, and in the midst of potty training where I simply don't understand why a human being has to be taught how to know to feel when it is time to pee or poop.
Lately, because of these two phases, I have felt defeated. I am not doing this right. I am not doing enough. I am failing. Why can't my child just fall asleep at night? Why can't he pee without being prompted to go? What am I doing wrong?
It is never, ever about putting the blame on him. I put it on myself.
But I recognize that is not healthy, either. It wears me down. It riddles me with anxiety, which leads to frustration and short tempers.
So, what can I do? What DO I do?
First, I lean into Tom as my partner. We talk through things, laugh about them, cry about them (although it's usually me who is doing the crying), and try to come up with solutions together. I try to remind myself that I am human and that there is literally no such thing as a perfect parent, no matter what Instagram tries to tell me. I allow myself to "feel my feelings" because if that is something I am teaching my son, I surely need to practice it myself. I remember that we are all learning as we go, and that the reason there is no "handbook" when it comes to parenting is because every kid is different. They would each need their own unique handbook, handwritten by the angels that created them. So, what works for one kid with bedtime and potty training may not, and probably will not, work for the next because THEY ARE ALL DIFFERENT.
I lean into friends who have kids a phase or two ahead of mine. Ask them what they did. Try it. If it fails, try something else. I ask the pediatrician questions because that is what they are there for. I ask my mom for her advice. I go to therapy to talk about all my big feelings.
Now, I know some of you are probably thinking "Girl... potty training and bedtime nightmares? just wait. There will be harder things".
And to that I say: I know that, Karen.
Let's remember a few things, though. When you're in the thick of something, it can feel REALLY hard. And then you get past it and you're relieved and wondering why you thought that was that hard and you move on until you reach the next hard thing. Also, my examples were simply that, examples. My post is really more about parenting as a whole.
The most important thing I can do for myself is to constantly counter my "I'm failing" thoughts. I am not failing. I am thriving. Zack is loved, safe, and happy. At the end of the day, that's what matters most. Not if he pees in the potty.
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