Since my last post was discussing advice that WASN'T helpful, I thought I'd share some of the things people have told me that HAVE been helpful. These are in no particular order,
Google will tell you what it wants to tell you or what you want it to tell you. Oh my God, someone in my support group told me this early on and it's helped me SO MUCH. Example: Zack's poo was a very dark green (I know, you needed that image). And I started googling if it was normal, convinced he was sick or had an allergy. Almost every website told me it was because of the Iron in the formula. But, a few sites did say "allergy". So naturally, I was like "see! I was right it IS an allergy!". But truly, I do think it's the iron. So, while Google can be resourceful, it can be misleading depending on which route your brain decides to take.
2. Unfollow Social Media Accounts/Mommy Facebook Groups that are not helpful. I joined a couple of Facebook groups- one for formula fed babes, one that's related to the class Tom and I took before Zack arrived, and one for December 2021 babies. I had to "unfollow" them in my newsfeed, because my feed was clogged with information/questions/etc from other moms and it started to stress me out. I'd see someone who had a baby a little older than Zack describe something they were going through, and I panicked that we'd have the same thing. Now, they CAN be helpful, which is why I haven't totally left the groups. When I stopped breastfeeding (another story for another day), the Formula Fed babies group really helped me and gave me good tips to dry up my supply. But, I just don't need every post I see on Facebook to be related to that. As for social media accounts- there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of influencers who claim to be baby experts. Now, some of them are legit, they have the credentials to back them up. Others, not so much. And they all think they have the "right" way related to feeding, sleeping, safety, etc. I followed a ton of them, and then just got overwhelmed with the conflicting information. So I narrowed it down. If you're curious, my favorite is Karing for Postpartum (Karrie Locher, a labor and delivery RN and mama to four), and Hey Sleepy Baby (Rachael, she is certified in baby sleep, didn't know that was a thing). A note about Rachael, she is very anti "cry it out method", but if that works for you, you do you. Karrie really is my favorite and I trust what she says, plus she keeps it very, real.
3. Take the Baby Outside. Yes, it's cold. But a little fresh air, and sunshine (on the rare occasion we get sun in MI) is good for both mama and baby. I don't love taking Zack outside if it's below 30 degrees- he's just so little. But, on those days, we either stand outside with Leo for a few minutes or go for a car ride, so he at least gets air exposure to and from the car. It's an important part of helping him learn that it is day time. There's also research that it actually helps them sleep better. I haven't looked too much into that, but parents in Norway literally let their kids/babies sleep outside in the cold weather.
4. Download the Huckleberry App. This app has been a lifesaver- it helps me track Zack's sleeping, eating, diapers, etc. You can also track growth, temperature if they are sick, and a few other things. In the very beginning, I wasn't tracking his sleep- newborns sleep pretty much around the clock. But once he started having a bit more "awake" time, I started tracking. Does he have a pattern? Not yet, not really at least. MOST of the time he takes a long morning nap, and afternoon naps can be anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. But, that's not every day. Tracking helps me keep tabs on it. I like that you can note WHERE they slept, too. I also don't track every single diaper change- it's pretty much a guarantee that if he is getting his diaper change, there's pee. I just track the poops. I paid for the premium version, because once he turns 2 months old, the app will help me create a "schedule" for him.
5. Watch for his cues. Now, I'm still learning his cues. Very much so. But, I'm getting a better handle on it. Yawning a bunch? He's tired, try to get him to take a nap (key word is try and it doesn't always work). Grunting and red face? He's trying to poop or pass gas. Crying after a wake up, or if it's been 2.5-4 hours means he's hungry. And sometimes, he's just fussy and we can't figure out why.
6. Follow the 5 S's. https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies?utm_source=google&utm_campaign=&gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmZOR66hKFFmQdqnCwbZ38w3aH5eDvjIDoIuw0-zm757hNB6aOwggzBoCrQYQAvD_BwE Dr Harvey Karp developed these. If baby is crying and they've eaten and don't have a poopy diaper, try these. "sucking" seems to be the easiest way to calm Zack down, but every baby is different. I've also read that some people will bounce with their babe on a yoga ball and it calms them down. I haven't tried that yet. Oh, Dr. Karp also has a Spotify playlist of white noise sounds designed to calm/help baby sleep. Zack loves the Hair Dryer for Sleep one. I put it on repeat on my phone and just clip my phone to his bassinet.
7. Let people help. Seriously. Let them. If Grandma wants to take the baby, let her. Go sleep, or get out. You are not a bad mom for letting someone else help you. This is something I am literally constantly reminding myself of. Even if it's Tom helping, Zack's own dad. I still wrestle with guilt that I should be the one doing it. And what for?? He's a parent, too. I'm working on it, friends.
8. Remember that everything is a phase. I can't remember if it was my therapist or someone else, but someone told me "he had a bad day TODAY, it doesn't mean every day is going to be a bad day". I try very hard to remember this in the hard moments. It will all pass. At the end of the day, we're all fed, clothed, and have shelter. And we're making it. This newborn stage is a phase, he will have days/weeks where he is fussier than other times. And that's okay, and doesn't mean we're doing something wrong. It just takes a LOT of patience and love to remember that.
9. Even if he's crying and you're holding him, you're helping him. One of my support group facilitators told me this. When a baby is crying and you can't quite figure out why, it's a bit distressing. You just want them to stop and to feel better. So in the moments I'm really stressed and can't get him to settle I try to remind myself that he knows I'm closeby, holding him and trying to comfort him as best I can. This doesn't always work- sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I panic when he's crying like that. But it's all about practice, and letting someone else hold him for a bit while I take a break.
10. Join support groups- if they are helpful. I am in two currently, but unfortunately they run at the same day/time. One is through Nature's Playhouse in Ferndale, it's called "It Takes A Village". It's a smaller group and I really enjoy it- it's loose, no agenda so we just talk. The other is through Beaumont, it's for new parents who have had babies around the same time. In both groups, we're the newest families. All other babies are at least 1-2 months ahead of Zack. But, I've still found them very helpful! The Beaumont one has a specific topic each week followed by open conversation. For both groups, the facilitators are trained social workers in Maternal health. I've found them helpful and just another resource to lean on when I need it. I texted one girl the other day in my group with a "help! is this normal??" question and she gave me some reassurance right away.
I think that's all for now. Every single moment, I am learning. And then he throws me a curve ball and I have something new to figure out.
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