Slumps, baby

First of all, I know I will probably get two very different reactions to this post. Some folks may find it helpful. Others may wonder why in the world I post things like this on the internet.

For me, if it can help even one person feel less alone, it far outweighs any negative judgement I receive.

Also, I know there are thousands upon thousands of blog posts and articles about this very topic. This is just my experience.

Let's talk about slumps, baby. Whatever you want to call it. A depression. A rut. A "hard place". I call it a slump because that's how I feel when it happens. Slumped.

I'm going to share some of the signs that make me stop and say "oooh. I'm in a slump".

1. I don't want to do anything. At all. And it feels nearly impossible to do anything. People who work with me may say "but we see you on calls all day! So you're fine!". Wrong. I love my job and I know I NEED my job so working is one of the things I force myself to do. This just goes to show that we never know what someone else is dealing with, and that it can be really easy to hide our feelings- especially when everything you do is online. Okay, back to the point. When I am in one of these moods, I can barely fathom leaving my bed. I'll just be honest and say yes, I am in a slump right now. So an example I can share is that yesterday, after working, I laid down in bed and did not get up until I forced myself to go in the kitchen and help Tom with Zack's dinnertime. I had intended on going to a moms gathering with my church. But I absolutely could not bring myself to do that. Trying to do anything when I am in one of these moods feels like you telling me to just go out and do a triathlon, with no training.

2. I procrastinate. This is similiar to number one. But I will procrastinate on the SMALLEST tasks and if I procrastinate long enough, there are cosequences. Returning library books. Scheduling appointments. Responding to a personal email or text. Notice I didn't say a work email. I can mask it at work, suck it up and do what I need to do. It's my personal life I let slip.

3. I am exhausted, but I can't sleep. I have the "I can't keep my eyes closed another second" feeling, but I toss and turn or sit and scroll.

4. I have the brain bullies. My mind tells me that I am not good enough, I am failing at everything, I am not meant to be a mother.

5. I crave food that makes me feel icky. I am all for the occasional indulgence and I no longer believe in totally restricting foods. But when I am in a slump, I just want to eat french fries or a whole party size bag of chips. I don't often give into these cravings, but once upon a time, I did.

6. I cry, a lot. I cry a lot anyways ever since having Zack- the tears just seem to come easier once you have a kid. But, when I am in a slump it's like I can't stop crying.

I share these things because maybe you've felt them too and wondered if you're the only one. You aren't. Or maybe you've wondered if there is something wrong with you for feeling these things. There isn't.

So let's talk about how I get out of the slump.

1. I move my body. Even if I can't force myself to get to the gym, I will at least go for a walk. Sometimes I'm crying while I'm walking, but at least I am out there and moving. I listen to a podcast I enjoy on a light topic or music I want to listen to. (Not Mickey Mouse Clubhouse which I've been listening to a LOT in the car with Zack).

2. I tell Tom. It is so important for me to tell him how I am feeling so that he doesn't think I am just pulling away for no good reason. He always responds with compassion, concern, and kindness.

3. I make myself do one small task. Today, I called and made Leo's vet appointment AND called my doctors office to get my medication refilled. Those were two things sitting on my to do list. I saw them again on my list and almost said eh I'll do this Monday. But instead I said no, you will do it right now, before you get up from this chair.

4. I try to fuel my body with food that will make me feel good. I try to always keep carrots, cucumbers, bananas and grapes at the house. That way, I will grab for one of those before ordering something or going for the Oreos or taking a spoon to the jar of peanut butter. I often find I feel better after eating fruits and veggies, and more full.

5. I put my phone away. This is hard since EVERYTHING we do is on our phones. But I have it set to DND at the same time every night. Or sometimes I just leave it in my room while I am out in the living room with Zack so I don't scroll instead of pay attention to him.

6. I remind myself that these feelings are not forever. If I could estimate how many slumps I've been in throughout my entire life, I'd guess about a thousand. And I get out, somehow, every single time. I will get out again. I just need to honor the feeling, know it's temporary, and find something to look forward to.

What works for me may not work for you. But I have found the key is not to force yourself out of a slump. It's not a snap of the finger or the wave of a wand. It's baby steps. Slowly but surely, you will feel lighter.