Shining A Light on PMDD

Fun fact about me: I used to host a podcast called Shine A Light. The idea was to shine a light on things that we don't often talk about. I interviewed family members and friends about topics like OCD, infertility, epiliepsy, post partum anxiety, etc.

And while I no longer host the podcast, I still think it's vitally important to shine a light on topics like the ones I listed-and more. I often "overshare" on social media and have been asked WHY. It's to help someone else who may feel alone. Often, in my darkest moments, the internet is where I have found like minded folks.

So let's get into it. Today, I'm shining a light on PMDD.

PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) is a very severe form of PMS. It happens about a week or two before a period. Symptoms range per person, but can include severe anxiety, depression, rage, and even suicidal ideation or suicidal thoughts.

My story:

A few months after my period came back after giving birth to Zack, I started to notice that my period symptoms were much more severe than before. I had pain when I ovulated, which a lot of women do, but I never had before. I also noticed my mood was really chaotic during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (the luteal phase is between ovulation and menstruation). By chaotic, I mean I experienced severe anxiety, I was tearful for an entire day or two, and I felt depressed. I became almost paranoid- I had these uncontrollable thoughts that Tom was going to leave me, that everyone hated me, life would be better without me. Once my period started, these thoughts would disappear.

I reached out to two friends about a year after Zack was born. This is after I had started googling my symptoms and seeing that I could have PMDD. Here are some screenshots from our text exchange:

At the time, I was seeing my therapist and I sort of just kept going on about my merry way. I was so scared that people wouldn't believe me, or would just say I was being dramatic. But every month, the PMDD cloud would come back in. I remember going for a walk with my friend Danielle in the summer of 2023, and I explained to her some of the things weighing on me. She said "you know you don't HAVE to suffer, right?" A few weeks later, I went to my PCP for my physical and told her that Zoloft was no longer working for me. I was battling these depressive, anxious episodes and I didn't think the medication was doing anything. She switched me to Wellbutrin...but kept only writing 30 day supplies, and then I'd have to call and get a new prescription written in. Eventually I decided it was time to see a psychiatrist. I needed a mental health provider who could also keep track of my medication.

I told that psychairist about the possibility of me having PMDD. She listened to me, and encouraged me to track my symptoms....every day, I kept a journal of how I was feeling. And, for those first few months that I did her her homework assignment, it was evident that my mood swings, depressive episodes came in at almost exactly 9 days before my period. The psychiatrist also switched my medication to Lexapro, which I was on pre pregnancy and it worked really well for me. Unfortunately, while Lexapro works most days, there's not much that can be done in the PMDD "hell week".

So, that's how I have come to determine that I have PMDD. There is no way to officially diagnose it. But tracking my symptoms have certainly shown all signs pointing to yes. NExt, I want to get into more questions.

How do you know it's not just PMS?

I'm 36 years old and have been having periods for what, 24 years? Ish? I know what PMS is. What I have been experiencing is a whole new level of PMS. I don't feel like I need to justify it. It's different, it's miserable, and it's nothing I would wish on anyone.

What symptoms do you experience now?

I don't get the suicidal ideation as much now, but I still very much struggle with the paranoia of thinking that everyone around me hates me.I left church one day and just fell into this sadness pool, thinking that everyone there was mad at me, no one wanted to talk to me, I might as well stop going. I tend to want to avoid any and all social interaction, I want to cancel meetings. I wonder what the point of anything really is. I get incredibly tired, sad, and tearful. It is hard to pull me out of bed, and. I avoid doing even minimal tasks like doing laundry. It all feels too much. I also have increased anxiety. It sometimes feels like I am being put in a straight jacket but everything in me wants to come out. I want to yell HELP but I don't know what I need help with. I mostly just want the feelings to go away.

What can they do for PMDD?

Not much. As shown in my texts above, a lot of wellness websites say to EXERCISE and do MEDITATION. If only that was the magic cure. Moving my body CAN help, but getting myself out of bed to do that is very hard. Antidepressants can help, but when the PMDD is really bad, the antidepressant doesn't do all that much. I hope one day there is a cure. but for now, there's not.

What can people around someone with PMDD do?

Understand that the person they love isn't really themselves during this period. Help them with small tasks. Remind them that you love them. Give them space. Talk to them about it and ask questions.

For a long time, I've avoided talking about PMDD. I still have a fear of not being believed or taken seriously. But the fact is, it's pretty debilitating and I'm annoyed that it's not talked about more. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence every month. And I will no longer be silent, either. I will keep shining a light on PMDD and other critically important topics.