Post Event Social Anxiety

I was always a shy kid, in family videos you can see me hiding behind my parents to avoid talking to other adults. I never raised my hand in school and was always told by teachers that I was "too quiet".

As a teen and young adult, I had a pretty crippling social anxiety. I would get so anxious about having to be around other people that I often avoided it, making up excuses for why I couldn't attend things. As you can imagine this would sometimes put a rift between myseld and friends.

In recent years, I've grown a lot more confident, and people who have only come into my life within the last few years don't always believe me when I say I used to be shy. And it's true, I am a lot more bold and outgoing than I once was.

But, that social anxiety hasn't always gone away. It's different now though It's post social anxiety. Here's what happens- I attend a social gathering and have a good time, but the entire drive home I start running back over every thing that happened. I pick apart what I said or didn't say, how I looked, if someone gave me a weird look, etc. It doesn't just stop when I pull in the driveway, either. I don't get much sleep on those nights. I am tossing and turning, replaying the evening over and over again.

The last few weeks, this has also happened on my drive home from church. I find myself thinking "I don't think anyone likes me..." "Did they seem mad at me?" "I should have said xyz..."

KNOWING that I have this post event social anxiety does bleed into pre event because I start to think "ugh... I am just going to have so much anxiety AFTER, I don't even want to deal with it. I'm not going to go".

And then I feel guilty for not going, distant from the folks I was supposed to hang with, etc. And the cycle repeats.

I'm sharing this with you all now because I said something to a coworker about this a few weeks ago and her eyes light up. She said she goes through the same thing, and no one ever talks about it.

So, I'm talking about it. It sucks.

But you know what? I am almost 37 years old and I am not going to let anxiety and fear run my life or drive me away from the one thing I am constantly craving- connection. I did that for far too long in my teens and 20's. So here's what I am going to do- I am going to say YES when I want to say NO (unless I truly can't do something, but I am NOT going to say No out of fear). And when those anxious thoughts creep in, I am going to tell them they are not needed. Anxiety can be used to protect, but anxiety can also be a really good liar. I will not believe the lies it tells me. I will trust that I presented myself as best I could in the moment.

I am good enough. I love and accept myself the way I am. I am a good person and fun to be around. I am more capable than I think. The thoughts do not control me or define me.