I’ve heard how great Tom is doing from nurses, friends, and family. And I be sure to tell him myself, too, and to thank him. I don’t think first time dads get enough credit. And I’m so grateful to have a partner willing to jump right in.
We are a team. Yes, I handle the feedings, at least for now. But Tom does more than his share. He changes most of the diapers (but I’ve gotten better at it!), he holds Zack and talks to him, he’s the captain of the team when we do a bath. We try our best to work together during those nighttime feeds/changes and comforting Zack through his fussiness. We remind each other to eat and to drink water. Tom will often walk Leo while I’m feeding. And sometimes … most of the time, he helps me get Zack in the best position to be fed and helps start the timer of the feed so we can keep track.
So far, we’ve “yelled” at each other once. And when I say yell I mean we were whispering/mouthing these words to each other because Zack was asleep in his Doc a Tot In the living room and we Weren’t about to try to move him to the bassinet and wake him.
“You go lay down in the bed!”
“no, YOU go lay down in the bed”
“you haven’t slept much” “
”you need sleep more than I do”
“fine! Next time it’s you that sleeps!”
I’m fairly certain most couples have the opposite fight 😂 Tom has said he’s sure it’s inevitable we will upset each other. But we really try to keep our communication as open as possible.
Tom is also so quick to come up with realistic solutions. I was nervous because Leo needs to be walked to our backyard to go potty (we don’t have a fence and he has been known on occasion to run after w other dog walking by). Tom‘s solution, if Leo is needing to go out and I can’t bring baby with me (especially when it’s so cold!) was to set up a hook and line right next to the door. It is going to take Leo some getting used to to know what he’s supposed to do but I was so grateful for Tom’s suggestion.
We have a rule- always, always tell the other person when we need help, or a break. I feel like I ask for help more than Tom
does, but it’s our promise. We never want the other person to be silently suffering. Zackary is ours. And we must work together to make this work and to ensure he knows we’re doing what’s best for him.
I can see how much Tom loves Zack. I’ll check my phone and see that he’s texted our families a photo of him. He talks to him. He swaddles him up and snuggles him to help him sleep. He is calm and gentle when Zack is screaming during a diaper change or bath. He is just the best, sweetest daddy and I love watching it.
Oh, and he still manages to make me laugh, which usually results in me saying “stop it hurts I’m wounded!”.
I love you, Tom.
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