In early March I put an ask out on Instagram for writing topics. Someone had suggested "the biggest lesson you learned in February"....and while I thought that was a good idea, I couldn't think of anything.
I wasn't particularly seeking out a "lesson" in March, but I sure did get one.
I hosted a cancer survivorship webinar the second week in March, the topic was around mental health and mindfulness. And one of the speakers said something that made me snap my head up, and it's phrase I keep going back to.
She said "You COULD talk negatively to yourself, but that would be really counter productive".
She was specifically referring to meditation, and how often people think they can't meditate because they aren't able to stop their thoughts from coming in.
But she could have been talking about anything, and that sentence still would have hit home for me, and I am guessing the same for most of us.
How often do we talk negatively to ourselves? For me, it's nearly all day long. I'm not doing enough, I'm not thin enough, I said something stupid. And how helpful are these comments? Not helpful at all. These nasty words don't inspire me or motivate me. They just pile up in my brain and on my heart, taking up entirely too much space.
Unfortunately, this seems to be a lesson that I have to keep learning over and over again. In my recent year end review, my manager told me the one thing I need to work on is not being so hard on myself. This was the same feedback my first manager gave me at this same workplace, ten years ago.
I'm practicing. When the negative thoughts pop up, I try to stop and whisper "you're wrong".
A kinder, and more productive, alternative would be to accept myself where I am in each moment, and to repeat positive, truthful affirmations.
The thing about lessons, is sometimes you learn them, and sometimes you need to unlearn them. I've gotten very used to being a bully to myself, and it's time I unlearn that way of thinking.
Happy April. Here's to seeing what lessons I learn or unlearn this month.
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