On the Astrology chart, I'm a Leo.
For most of my life, I didn't like being a Leo. I didn't even think I really was a Leo. Leo season starts around July 22, and my birthday is July 29th. I figured surely I was really more of a Cancer. Cancers are sweet and sensitive. That sounds more like me...at least, it did.
If you go on any astrology site or instagram meme, it will generally say the same thing about Leo's. That they are dramatic and love to be the center of attention.
I denied this for so long. No, not me, I HATE being in the center of attention. Notice I don't deny being dramatic. I am and always have been dramatic.
In recent years, I've really embraced my Leo self. And I can admit that yeah, I like attention.
So why did I deny this for so long? As I wrote in a previous blog, we're not supposed to be at the center of attention. We're supposed to stay quiet and small and in the corner of the room. The "good kids" are the ones that are quiet and do what they are told. I was a shy kid, and avoided talking to pretty much anyone. I think that is where I got the idea that I cannot possibly like attention. I am also a people pleaser, so part of my hesitation with being in the spotlight or being heard was "what if I make a mistake?" or "what if I upset someone?".
These days, I know I may make a mistake...or upset someone. But I try not to let that stop me. I say it anyways, and if I need to apologize, I do. But I would rather speak up and show up than to hide the part of me that has been trying to come out for a very long time. Public speaking used to make me physically sick, and now I speak to groups of 40 or more once a week.
I like to have my voice heard. I like to be seen. I like to be appreciated- out loud. I love to make people laugh. And you know what? I won't apologize for it. What's wrong with wanting to shine?
Of course, you have to be cautious. For me that means I try not to dim anyone else's light. I build up those around me and bring them into the center of the ring with me, high fiving them...or I stand on the sidelines and cheer them on.....loudly. It also means I don't want to be getting attention for anything negative (Again, people pleaser). But that's also not in my nature, to swing to the side of being negative and doing/saying something for shock value. It also means I have to be careful of craving too much validation from others and give MYSELF some credit and love instead of depending on other people all the time.
Don't get me wrong- just because I like attention, doesn't mean I think I am always right, or that I am better than anyone else. We have to seperate "wanting attention" and "selfish". They are not the same.
Also, that's not all there is to being a Leo. Here are some of the other characteristics:
Loyal
Ambitious
Fiercely Protective (This is very, very true for me. You come for someone close to me, and I will unleash that roar)
Generous
Love luxury (this is NOT true for me. I buy my clothes at second hand stores, don't mind living in our small house, would rather get takeout from coney island than go to a fancy restaurant.)
Sunny
Big-Hearted
I really hope to think that I embrace these qualities and that I am seen as a leader (whether or not I am dramatic while I lead).
To Younger Megan,
I want you to know that we don't always hide in background. nervously standing alone and hoping no one talks to us. We don't even avoid social gatherings anymore unless we truly can't make it. Eventually, we find our light and we let it shine. We embrace our inner Leo.
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