I feel like this is something I have talked about on social media, but when I asked folks on my Instagram if it was something they wanted to read more about, 2 people said yes! And the people pleaser in me just has to make sure those 2 people get what they are asking for.
So, why did I quit drinking?
After Zack was born, I struggled big time with post partum anxiety. I've always had anxiety, but it was as if it was on streoids. One of the things I would do to ease that anxiety is have a glass of wine or a hard cider. But one glass or one can would turn into two or three. With the ciders especially, I was drinking them down in just a few sips.
There were times that Tom was working late and I had a few glasses in me, and realized that I didn't like that I wasn't totally in control. What if Zack had an emergency and I couldn't drive?
Also, my anxiety didn't get better when I drank. In fact, it got worse. I couldn't sleep when I was drinking, and my racing thoughts just went even faster than before. Anything I was already worried about, accelerated to full speed. Worst case scenario thinking would rule my brain.
When I drank, I woke up feeling horrible about myself, regretting the drinking.
So shortly after Mother's Day, I decided I was going to quit. For me, it's EASIER to quit something cold turkey than to "cut back". I know that isn't the case for everyone. But for me, it's what works. I COULD say to myself "I'll just have one drink on the weekends" But I know myself, and one will turn into two.
I don't have the exact date that I quit so I can't tell you the exact number of days I have been sober. But it's been roughly 560 days.
It's gotten to the point where I no longer crave alcohol. I've found some nonalcoholic beer that I like, and have ordered mocktails when I am out.
Let's be real I don't go out often...but when I do, I am no longer embarassed that I'm not drinking. I realize most people will assume I'm pregnant (I'm not). Or be wondering why I don't drink. But I don't really let that bother me. It's my choice, that I made for myself and my own mental well being.
This past weekend was my friend's 40th birthday party. There were these adorable drink specials on the menu. It was tempting, and I even had the thought of "well I'll just have one...." But I knew, that once I had one, I'd probably want another one, and being that I have not drank in over a year and would be driving myself home, I didn't think it was worth it to feel a buzz. So I had a mocktail (that I couldn't finish because it tasted like ice cream, an NA beer, and lots of water.
And you know what? Even without alcohol in my system, I danced, and I SANG KARAOKE. To me, this was validation that I do not need alcohol to have fun, or to be my true self. I like myself better when I am sober, and if other people don't, that's their own problem.
Do I care if other people drink in front of me? Of course not. If someone were to be really pressuring me to drink I may get annoyed, but that has yet to happen.
This holiday season, I plan to make some spicy mocktails- most of the ones I've gotten are really sugary sweet and I'm not really into that. I'm planning to make a jalapeno moscow mule. I'll report back!
So that's my story. At the end of the day, I feel BETTER, stronger, and healthier without alcohol. It really isn't all that exciting, but if you've been thinking about quitting alcohol and need a buddy, I'm here for you.
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