A few weeks ago I was in therapy and after ranting about something, I said "I mean, people just aren't doing what I think they should be doing!".
I couldn't help but laugh after I said it, knowing how silly it sounded. I mean, of course people aren't going to do what I think they should do. And yet, I continuously fall into the habit of having expectations of others, and then getting upset when they don't fulfill those expectations.
This was also the topic of church today, which is why it's a lesson learned in August that has carried over into September. As my Pastor started her sermon today I took a deep sigh and thought "OKAY, I get it, this is my lesson".
Before I dive into more of my thoughts, here are some things our Pastor shared today...I am paraphrasing but here are the notes I jotted down
"Unspoken expectations can strain relationships"
"If we don't express our needs, there is disappointment"
"It can be scary to share our needs/voice our expectations-there is a fear of rejection".
Why do I continue to place expectations on others, but only in my own mind?
Although I certainly let people down, I am someone who goes out of my way to fill people's expectations of me. Because I am a people pleaser. I don't think this is a healthy trait. I have such a deep fear of letting other people down, that I act in ways I think THEY think I should act. I say yes when I mean no. So perhaps there is a part of me that things- well hell, I'm going out of my way to fill other peoples expectations, why can't they also fill mine?
But I am also certain that there are things I have done that have disappointed people. I'm sure I've acted in ways that haven't been the way others thought I should, or said things they wish I had not said.
I very much felt it in my soul when my Pastor talked about the fear aspect. So much so, I almost didn't write it down in my notes. It felt too real. It IS scary to say to someone what you want or need from them. Because they could say no. So, again, instead of saying it, I keep it in my head, and then get upset when they don't do the thing I wanted them to do.
What it really comes down to is that there are a few things I need to work on.
Voicing what I want/need from others. Instead of THINKING "I wish Tom would help me clean the kitchen", I need to say "Hey, Tom, can you help me clean the kitchen?". That's a simple example, but you get it.
Stop saying yes when I want to say no.
Let go of resentment when someone doesn't do what I think they should do. We're all human, and react to situations in different ways. Not everyone is going to do things my way.
I am not entirely sure if everything I want to say is coming across in the way I want it to in this blog. I am a little rusty on my writing.
Have a great week, friends.
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