Authentically Me

I'm not sure when I made this declaration, but not too long ago I decided I wanted to live 100% authentically. Maybe that seems like a small thing to you. But think about it- how many times do you say yes to something just because you thought you should, or you thought it would please others?

I know I often fall into that trap. I've always been afraid to stand out, so I would often just go along with whatever the majority was thinking/feeling/acting. I've been too timid to share my real opinion. I've said "yes" when I meant "no". I've said "no" when I meant "yes."

For example, in college, I joined a sorority. I didn't want to join a sorority. I was sort of loosely connected to a girl from high school who was rushing so I decided to join her and next thing I knew I was pledging. Aside from a very select few women who I am still close with, I do not believe that was the right place for me and it remains one of my regrets in life. I'd give anything to go back to my 18 year old self and steer her in a different direction.

But now I'm 33, and I'm tired of not being 100% me. So I've stopped the facade. Sure, there's still some things I do not necessarily because I want to, but that comes with the territory of being an adult. I'll give you an example of what I do mean, though. I was recently asked to make a video testimonial for a program I completed. The video would be used to encourage others to do the same program. My instinct was to say yes, of course. The people pleaser in me finds it difficult to turn anyone down. But the thing is- I didn't actually have a great experience in that program. So why would I lie? I turned down ask, and did actually explain why I was saying no. That, my friends, is being authentic.

I've come to realize that the person I am is pretty cool, even though I can be nerdy, I love my nerdy side. And I believe that by being authentically me, I'll draw the right people into my inner circle. I don't want to hide who I am, what I like, or what I believe in just to fit in to what you think I should be. I'd much rather be free to be me. I'm learning to really love her, and I think she deserves to be loved for who she really is.