7 years ago, my dad took his final breath on Earth.
A lot can happen in 7 years. Human beings grow from being an infant to a young child. It's longer than adolescents are in high school, or young adults are in undergraduate college (well, most of us, anyway). Taylor Swift can release 5 albums and rerelease 4 albums in that time frame. You get it. It's a chunk of time, and a lot can happen.
If my dad were to knock on my door today, and asked what he's missed in the last 7 years, what would I tell him? Let's ignore for a second that he likely knows because he's watching over me, please :)
I'd share the big things, of course. We had a global pandemic that caused us to lockdown for several months. Mom was diagnosed with, and beat, breast cancer. Oh, and I had a baby and he's now 3 years old.
I'd tell my dad that I am glad he didn't have to live through the pandemic, but that I wish he had been here to shave off the deep loneliness that my mom underwent, living by herself with limited contact with others. That I wish he could have been here through her breast cancer diagnosis, for someone to lean on. And that I desperately wish he could be here to meet my son, and to make memories with him.
But those are just the big things. In 7 years, there's been a million more moments he's missed. Silly jokes he would have appreciated, songs I would have made him listen to and analyze. Ryan's hockey tournaments and Cara's soccer games. Going for walks in the neighborhood. Getting into heated discussions about politics. Doing puzzles on the dining room table. The Lions nearly making it to the Superbowl.
I used to call my dad every single day. So that's roughly 2,555 phone calls we're behind on.
As the time between my dad's passing and the current time of life gets further apart, you would think it might get easier. And in some ways, it does. The pain is not as raw. But with each year that passes, it is a painful reminder of all that he has missed out on, and how much I deeply miss his gentle presence. There is nothing that can replace his physical presence. Nothing will change or fix the fact that he never even got to meet Zack, something that pains be deeply. No matter how deep my faith is that my dad is watching over us, it doesn't make it any less painful. I wish it did.
As for me, I am not the same person I was 7 years ago. I am bolder and stronger. I am snarkier and more sarcastic. But I'd like to think my dad would be pretty proud of the person that I am. I stole many of his qualities and strengths and tried to mold them to make me the person I am today.
7 years from now, I'll yet again have evolved. There will be more memories and milestones my dad will have missed. All I can do, and hope for, is that I continue to carry his spirit with me. It won't take the hurt away, but I will know that I am sprinkling his goodness, his Mercy, and his grace along the way.
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