Every so often, just as Zackary is drifting off into sleep, he will look up into a corner and smile.
Some would say "it's just gas". Others may say "it's just a reflux".
I have a different thought.
I believe his Papa Carolin is paying him a visit.
Call me crazy....but just seconds before my dad passed away, he too looked into a corner of the room, and reached his hand out as if someone was coming to get him. Mind you, he had not moved a muscle in two solid days.
I don't necessarily believe everything the church taught me growing up, but I have my own unique relationship with God and with Guardian Angels, and despite my feelings toward church, I have a strong faith.
Part of that faith is believing that before Zackary was in my stomach, he was in Heaven, where God and the angels were "putting him together" to come to us. And if all that is true, then there is no doubt my dad had a hand in all of that. I imagine all the stories my dad told him, all the times he held him close, all the jokes he shared with him. And sometimes, when Zackary is looking at me with those big blue (please don't change color!) eyes, I swear it is my dad looking back at me.
So while I am endlessly sad I don't get to see my dad and Zackary interact here on Earth, it brings me great peace and comfort to believe that they have already met. And that my dad continues to visit him to make him smile. It's like they have a little secret code, and for all my life I'll hold onto the belief that it's my dad making Zackary smile.
Dad, on your hospice bed you told me I'd have a baby- I mean, technically you said twins, but I think you knew one was enough for me. Thank you for helping "pick out" this sweet boy to bless our lives. Please continue to watch over him, and us, as we move through this life.
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