Well, hi.
Last night, I thought I needed to hit pause and rewind on January 2025. Let's stop for a second, go back...and then do what exactly? And that's where I got stuck. Would we relive it all over again, or would things go differently this time around? That's the philosophical question I got stopped on while falling asleep into a Nyquil and Sleepytime Tea induced sleep.
What has January looked like that has made me want to rewind? Um. Hell?
A fire is raging in California, while the rest of the country was under a deep freeze. We have the ongoing, chaotic political climate that has left me in tears, and stirred up a rage inside me that led me to deleting my social media accounts. Then, a death in my extended family. We said goodbye, unexpectedly, to a man that was a grandpa, a father, a brother, a husband, an uncle. My heart was shattered especially for my nephew and niece, who have both faced a lot of loss in their young lives, including their other grandpa, my dad. And, just when I was screaming enough is enough, I got hit with Covid. Hit is actually a gentle term. I got pulverized by Covid. I can honestly tell you that I do not know the last time I was this sick. So sick, in fact, that I couldn't actually join in the funeral services for said family member.
So, maybe you can understand why last night I was wishing for a "do over".
But this leads me back to that philosophical question. Would any of it change?
Try as I might, I can't control what our President is doing. I can't control the weather, I'm not Madame Morrible. I can't stop my loved ones from passing away. and I can't stop a virus from sneaking its way into our home and latching onto me. So I think, if I did rewind and try to start over, these events would happen again.
So if we can't go back and rewind have a different outcome, what choice do we have? One that we may not necessarily like, that's what. And that is....
Just. Keep. Going.
Keep being courageous enough to stand up for others and for what I believe in, but do it always in kindness.
Keep creating a loving, safe home for Zackary.
Keep building a nurturing relationship with Tom.
Keep my faith front and center, instead of brushing it aside thinking that I am not welcome to have a faith life.
Keep learning and growing from the people doing the work.
Keep my heart and mind open.
Keep being a safe place for friends to turn to.
I am not going to put out any toxic positivity because let's be real, everything is pretty terrifying right now and I am not about to tell myself OR anyone else that we should just put on a happy face, ignore it, and move on. We are so upset because we care. We care about other humans and don't want to see them tossed aside, or cut from life saving programs. So, let's keep that care and concern and empathy and link arms and keep freaking going. Together.
Instead of Pause, Rewind, Do Over.
Pause.
Rewind. Rewatch the tape of January run through your mind.
What could you have done or said differently?
Take that with you, do it, and keep going.
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