There are two things in my parenting life I have been thinking a lot about lately.
The first is something I am dubbing "Milestone Mania". AKA, the anxiety that comes with milestones. Last week, we got a note from Zack's school telling us to have him practice taking his shoes off an on himself. This sent me into a full panic mode. Oh My GOD- I haven't been doing that. And it's not just the shoes. I see other kids in his age range riding bikes or- the big one- potty trained. And it sends me into a spiral of feeling behind, failing, and inadequate. Social media makes it especially hard not to compare where we are, or where Zack is, to other kids his age. I have to constantly remind myself that each kid is different, and that no one follows the exact same timeline.
And isn't it FUNNY that we talk so much about the comparison game these days? I hear it on podcasts and read it on Instagram posts all the time. I guess it starts young.
The second parenting thought I've been having is this- I refuse to let Zack feel held responsible for my, or any adults, emotions. Let me give you some real life examples. If I ask Zack for a hug, and he says no, I won't say "oh, you're making me sad". HE is not making me sad. I am sad, and looking for a hug to feel better.
Another example- "Zack, I'll be really happy if you eat your dinner". Nope. No. Again, my happiness is not his responsibility.
This is something I am a stickler on. Why? You could argue that he's only 2, he doesn't understand. I would argue that he can understand a lot more than we imagine, and I do not want him to get any idea that he is responsible for making me happy, or sad, or that HE has to fix my mood. That's not on him, it's on me. He is my child, not my mood ring and certainly not my therapist. It may seem extreme to some but I will not put the weight of my emotions on my child. So instead I will say things like "Mommy is just feeling sad right now. It's okay to feel sad. I'm feeling sad because _____". Or "Mommy loves to spend time with you. I feel happy".
While these two parenting thought spirals are not entirely related, there's some crossover. And a reminder that parenting is super hard and messy and comes with a whole lot of feelings, including shame and feeling inadequate at times.
But you know what? I am doing my best, messy as my best can be.
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