Hope

I was incredibly honored to be asked to speak at the Advent Evening of Reflection at my church this year. My topic was "Hope"...and I wanted to share it with my 3 blog readers.

When I first started to craft my message around “Hope”, I pondered which approach to take. I could read off some famous quotes or bible stories about hope or read the textbook definition. But I think what would make this talk more impactful, and more genuine, is if I told you what hope truly meant to me, not what it means by scholars or poets or even...Taylor Swift.

I think that for me, it is easier to talk about hope in the sense that I have felt the ABSENCE of hope in my life. I know what HOPE is because I have felt HOPELESS. And I know there is at least one person in this crowd tonight who has had that same feeling- maybe you’re even feeling it right now. While I don’t want to harp on the negative times in my life, I think it’s important to share how I’ve gotten where I am today.

So, what does it mean to be hopeLESS? In my case, it meant feeling like I was in a dark tunnel, and there was no light ahead. It meant not being able to dream of a future because I wasn’t sure a future was meant for me. It meant not taking care of my physical self or my mental health, because I wasn’t sure what the point of that was. 

But each time I have been in a hopeless tunnel, something changed the course. A small flicker of light led me back out. Sometimes, like when I was 19 and battling depression and binge eating disorder, that hope has been through a song. “There Will Come A Day” by Faith Hill, but performed by Melinda Doolittle on American Idol, came blaring through my tv speakers and I had a wakeup call that if I just held on, a day would come where I wouldn’t be suffering. Sometimes, hope has come through other people. Like when I was 22 and weighed over 300 lbs. but simply did not care that I was essentially killing myself through food. A friend of my moms, who happened to be a doctor, invited me over for a gentle chat and encouraged me to take the first step in a journey that would help me to finally overcome binge eating. At the age of 35, the glimmer of hope came through in the form of this very church. Although my son was almost a year old, I was still struggling with postpartum anxiety and depression, and was desperately searching for a church that I could call home. I was beginning to lose HOPE that there was a place for me, where I fit in. And then I found Royal Oak First. I have been welcomed here, SEEN here, and loved here…but more importantly, so has my 3-year-old son Zackary. It fills me with great hope that he will grow up in a place of faith that embraces him and encourages him, no matter who he is. 

So, you see, each time in my life where I was convinced there was no hope, for me or for a future, God brought me something that would change my mind. I was able to see the light, and more importantly, I was able to FEEL the light, and to keep going. I know now that hope exists because I have been in a place where I felt it didn’t. 

Years ago, if you had asked me how I felt about the word hope I may have hesitated. I may have said something like hope is a nice idea in theory, and that I wished I had more of it. But now, I can tell you that I fully embrace HOPE. Because I am a firm believer that there is always hope. No matter who you are, what you’ve been through. Hope exists, and some of us just need a little help finding it. But when we do, we become living examples. It is exciting to believe in hope because it means believing that there is always something better waiting for us. 

Since this is an evening of reflection, perhaps we can take a silent moment to reflect on this- in the past, how has HOPE come to you? Through a song, another person, a place, an answered prayer? I ask you to reflect on this because I want you to remember that you have found hope before. You will find it again, and again. 

This advent season, we have so much to be hopeful for. Yes, that includes those of you who are having a hard time finding hope right now. God is walking alongside us and has promised each of us a future. When our worlds feel dark, HOPE is the light guiding us and illuminating through us so that we can shine on others.